Things would have been a lot easier if she had left when she said she wanted to. Ironically, I actually even felt a genuine tinge of sadness when she told me that.
But as always, everything about her is a show. Just leave because you are not a part of my show so stop butting in.
Just let me get those images out of my mind. I am seriously better and stronger than this.
And did i mention that my life would come to a screeching halt in Year 3 Sem 1? Well now you all know it would.
Life's a bitch. And love is overrated.
Jac.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Sunday, September 28, 2008
SO. FUCKING. PISSED. OFF.
the reason i am writing here at 11am on a sunday morning is cos i am so fucking mad at my family. cb waste my time. tried to start my assgn but was too mad to think str8. they are ruining my life.
my dad wakes me up at 10am which is the crack of dawn for me and tells me to go down for breakfast. it's fat french fries which sunny up eggs so i get up for it. i rush downstairs at the speed of light and there were only like a small buch left. i thought my aunty helen was frying more so i ate what there was first. halfway thru my dad tells me theres no more left. so i say oh but aunty's making more right? and turns out not cos there werent any more potatoes?? i was so mad and i asked like then how come u all didnt leave me more. and my dad says OH WE DIDNT KNOW IF U WERE EATING. so i pointed out calmly that i never missed french fries EVER. and he goes how wud i know. WHEN I KNOW HE WAS THE ONE THAT ATE MOST OF THE FRIES. MY FRIES. i was like why did u wake me then. if u wake me up for breakfast u shld be leaving me some food right. if not y disturb my slp. i slept damn late last night and i got alot to do today and u wake me up for like a puny bucha fries?? i pointed that out and i was so angry. and my fucker of a brother goes, why she so angry for what? and i blew up at that cos he's the asshole who always finishes my rice at dinner and i am pretty damn sure he ate my fries. which i know i was right about cos later i heard my aunty helen scolding him for eating my share. and he didnt admit it at all.
i know i sound fucking childish here but this rubbish keeps happening. they wake me up for no reason other than NOT GOOD TO SLEEP LATE. then eat my share of my food. and i really hate it when ppl eat my share. i know i can afford to eat less and i dont mind giving u my food if u ask and not just eat it and act like u were entitled to it and OOPS U DONT HAVE ENOUGH AR NVM DONT EAT LOR ANYWAY U BLOODY FAT MAH HAHAHA. that mofo bro always pts out how he's skinnier than me so he shld be entitled to more?? ya fine eat more but not MY SHARE. wtf. he eats my rice eats my bread which i buy with my own $$ when i leave it on the counter for 5 mins and then he always refuses to say sorry and argues. and my dad does the same shit he eats my food and acts like he didnt know it was mine. i mean what kinda parent eats their kid's share! i know it sounds like im being mean to him but he does it all the damn time like since i was really young. i dont understand why he cant just eat his own he always wants to TRY my food and ends up eating like half of it or sometimes even the whole thing. i mean i wudden be so mad now if they had just sed sorry and not shit like WE DUNNO U EATING or LIKE THAT NOT ENOUGH MEH?? fuck u were the one who woke me up so why dont u try it and see and get back to me on that.
fuckers.
my dad wakes me up at 10am which is the crack of dawn for me and tells me to go down for breakfast. it's fat french fries which sunny up eggs so i get up for it. i rush downstairs at the speed of light and there were only like a small buch left. i thought my aunty helen was frying more so i ate what there was first. halfway thru my dad tells me theres no more left. so i say oh but aunty's making more right? and turns out not cos there werent any more potatoes?? i was so mad and i asked like then how come u all didnt leave me more. and my dad says OH WE DIDNT KNOW IF U WERE EATING. so i pointed out calmly that i never missed french fries EVER. and he goes how wud i know. WHEN I KNOW HE WAS THE ONE THAT ATE MOST OF THE FRIES. MY FRIES. i was like why did u wake me then. if u wake me up for breakfast u shld be leaving me some food right. if not y disturb my slp. i slept damn late last night and i got alot to do today and u wake me up for like a puny bucha fries?? i pointed that out and i was so angry. and my fucker of a brother goes, why she so angry for what? and i blew up at that cos he's the asshole who always finishes my rice at dinner and i am pretty damn sure he ate my fries. which i know i was right about cos later i heard my aunty helen scolding him for eating my share. and he didnt admit it at all.
i know i sound fucking childish here but this rubbish keeps happening. they wake me up for no reason other than NOT GOOD TO SLEEP LATE. then eat my share of my food. and i really hate it when ppl eat my share. i know i can afford to eat less and i dont mind giving u my food if u ask and not just eat it and act like u were entitled to it and OOPS U DONT HAVE ENOUGH AR NVM DONT EAT LOR ANYWAY U BLOODY FAT MAH HAHAHA. that mofo bro always pts out how he's skinnier than me so he shld be entitled to more?? ya fine eat more but not MY SHARE. wtf. he eats my rice eats my bread which i buy with my own $$ when i leave it on the counter for 5 mins and then he always refuses to say sorry and argues. and my dad does the same shit he eats my food and acts like he didnt know it was mine. i mean what kinda parent eats their kid's share! i know it sounds like im being mean to him but he does it all the damn time like since i was really young. i dont understand why he cant just eat his own he always wants to TRY my food and ends up eating like half of it or sometimes even the whole thing. i mean i wudden be so mad now if they had just sed sorry and not shit like WE DUNNO U EATING or LIKE THAT NOT ENOUGH MEH?? fuck u were the one who woke me up so why dont u try it and see and get back to me on that.
i know i've been monopolizing this place. well thats cos i ve been having so much rubbish happening.
after a fucked up last week where i
1) got lost in fucking arts trying to collect my replacement matric card. 16 bucks ok. prior to that i had to get by asking ppl to open the com lab door for me with their cards. cb.
2) got fucking banned from a fucking club which my friends alr entered so i was left outside for a few humiliating minutes till chung came out for me.
3) lost my fucking phone. which i am very dependent on. what is wrong with me why do i kp losing stuff!!!
4) dad refuses to pay 200 bucks for my trg trip. bitch.
5) HATE EVERYBODY
and recess week like flew past. i have an assignment due and 2 mid terms nx wk. and after which another 2 mid terms for 2 modules i have no idea are about. might as well give my god my matric card and make her take for me, and then theres IT presentation due. of course i did about 2.35% of what i NEED to do.
ok so now i've made a list of things that have been bugging me i feel marginally better. some of my current stresss i attribute to my disgusting sleeping habits and my inability to reject friends for supper/playing games after dinner and of course my youtubing/gossip girl/ antm addictions. and prcrastination. sigh i am such a low level functioning individual.
fuckers.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
I LOST MY PHONE OMG
OMG I LOST MY PHONE
last night we did sth loser. went to zouk at 845 to get to phuture. the q was alr ridic when i got there. thank goodness for chai xinyi who had friends right at the front. and then we went to macs at gr8 world and i actually read my driving book till like 10 plus. good thing i passed today or i would have lugged my backpack to zouk for nothing!
i got banned from double o. cb. door bitch didnt let me in the first time and i borrowed someone's specs + ic and got in at another entrance but i got caught out while re-entering. she summoned me over and stamped a huge cross on my arm. it was mildly humiliating. but i got over it after bitching bout it the whole way to attica with chungie. what kinda stupid club sets the minimum age at 20 anyways. retarded. i am not going there even when i am 20. bitch.
anyways was a fun night. we went to so many places for free drinks there wasnt space left on my left arm they had to use the other. met the eusoff ppl outside zouk..
@ jy : OMG ask me why i am screaming
@mel: ask me who i wanna hit
sigh i need my thursdays free. and i really need my phone :(
xoxox wong out
last night we did sth loser. went to zouk at 845 to get to phuture. the q was alr ridic when i got there. thank goodness for chai xinyi who had friends right at the front. and then we went to macs at gr8 world and i actually read my driving book till like 10 plus. good thing i passed today or i would have lugged my backpack to zouk for nothing!
i got banned from double o. cb. door bitch didnt let me in the first time and i borrowed someone's specs + ic and got in at another entrance but i got caught out while re-entering. she summoned me over and stamped a huge cross on my arm. it was mildly humiliating. but i got over it after bitching bout it the whole way to attica with chungie. what kinda stupid club sets the minimum age at 20 anyways. retarded. i am not going there even when i am 20. bitch.
anyways was a fun night. we went to so many places for free drinks there wasnt space left on my left arm they had to use the other. met the eusoff ppl outside zouk..
@ jy : OMG ask me why i am screaming
@mel: ask me who i wanna hit
sigh i need my thursdays free. and i really need my phone :(
xoxox wong out
Sunday, September 21, 2008
where did my baby go
today my brother showed me an article in the papers. this security guard in pakistan blocked a suicide bomber at the door so only 7 were wounded, but he died. i said that wasn't fair, and my brother said at least he'd go straight to heaven, cos he sacrificed himself. rest in peace.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
baby u set me on fire
so hot these days i sweat in my sleep.
talentime later. should be fun. shooting some hoops after that. then study thai maybe.
keep getting distracted. books are spanking new and begging to be read, but i say no, no, no.
finance fucked me over. what a bitch.
but who cares about finance when there's everything else to do?
talentime later. should be fun. shooting some hoops after that. then study thai maybe.
keep getting distracted. books are spanking new and begging to be read, but i say no, no, no.
finance fucked me over. what a bitch.
but who cares about finance when there's everything else to do?
Sunday, September 7, 2008
-_-
Yes! A new cycle of ANTM is finally here and there's even a transgender inside..kool. Hopefully this would help alleviate some of my stress. Yes, i m prone to stress which also means i m pretty useless, yes whatever, but that's just the way i am so live with it. And being rejected twice in a row is not exactly very stress reducing. Then again, i've always failed to live up to people's expectations, so what's new?
And once again, i've realised how having a wide social network in uni is just oh so important. Seriously, save it on the excuses.
And lit is just being lit again. Yes i do like it but then everytime i take a lit module i'll start questioning why i even bothered taking it in the first place since i seriously majorly suck at it. Humans are so prone to self torture, seriously. A simple lit discussion presentation was enough to knock me down. What i've produced is seriously embarrassing and gross. I can totally imagine the horrified mortified look on people's faces tmr as i present.
It really sucks to realise that you are not who you thought you are all along. It's just bad for the esteem.
And a dream i had was very illuminating, it makes me wonder if it's a sign that it's true, or like what people say, reality is usually the opposite of your dreams. I seriously hope the latter is true.
Hoping that things would improve,
Jac
Warning: I forgot to mention that i had a haircut, and now i m plagued with short, screwed up fringe which time from time resembles freaking bangs when its in the mood. It's an utmost insult to me - bangs. (No offence to those who have it, i just so happen to not have da face to pull it off.) Anw, the shorter fringe was suppose to make me look younger and unfortunately, acc. to the hairdresser, "cuter" -_-. Not surprisingly, my old face is just incapable of withstanding any such Taiwan Mei elements. No one has appreciated my haircut so far, so bewarned.
And once again, i've realised how having a wide social network in uni is just oh so important. Seriously, save it on the excuses.
And lit is just being lit again. Yes i do like it but then everytime i take a lit module i'll start questioning why i even bothered taking it in the first place since i seriously majorly suck at it. Humans are so prone to self torture, seriously. A simple lit discussion presentation was enough to knock me down. What i've produced is seriously embarrassing and gross. I can totally imagine the horrified mortified look on people's faces tmr as i present.
It really sucks to realise that you are not who you thought you are all along. It's just bad for the esteem.
And a dream i had was very illuminating, it makes me wonder if it's a sign that it's true, or like what people say, reality is usually the opposite of your dreams. I seriously hope the latter is true.
Hoping that things would improve,
Jac
Warning: I forgot to mention that i had a haircut, and now i m plagued with short, screwed up fringe which time from time resembles freaking bangs when its in the mood. It's an utmost insult to me - bangs. (No offence to those who have it, i just so happen to not have da face to pull it off.) Anw, the shorter fringe was suppose to make me look younger and unfortunately, acc. to the hairdresser, "cuter" -_-. Not surprisingly, my old face is just incapable of withstanding any such Taiwan Mei elements. No one has appreciated my haircut so far, so bewarned.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
fast and furious
last week went by astoundingly quick.. i'm trying to blog once a week cos so many things are going on and i don't want everything to end up a hazy blur. last week was fantastic fun haha.
on monday, me and den fell asleep in the evening while doing our post-class activities (playing stupid online games/ facebooking). we woke shortly before jac got back with the sad news that we didnt make it for dp. i spent the night wallowing in self-pity and self-doubt. but things got better after me jac den and mel walked the long road down to west coast macs for green tea mcflurry! thanks guys, especially jac cos i know i whined u into coming with me haha.. when we got back to hall, weijun and xinjie were in the pantry with the AWESOMEMEST mooncakes. i really hate mooncakes, but this was like milo + rittersport + greentea level awesomeness combined into something disguised as a mooncake! it was however, GD expensive. 48 bux for 8 pieces? guys, we gotta treat weijun to something man...
on tuesday we had block initiation! funnest stuff ever for a psycho torturer like me. maybe i was a jap soldier in my last life too huh? set up the most disgusting things for the freshies. the a2 girls (but not me) threw the grossest stuff into the pantry bin and made blindfolded freshies finds spoons.. the a4 guys did the most shit la.. all used to be jap soldiers i bet. nearly-toilet dunking?? toilet oaths?? the ultimate grossness haha. they filled this bin with maggi mee + bread + vinegar + ketchup?? they brought me in for a preview, and i propmptly retched. and this was when everything else was still clean.. poor freshies, really.
we didnt have initiation last yr, i am kinda relieved a little, but i also kinda wish we had it. u know, cos the lame-sounding bonding thing is actually true. but as a senior it was shitass fun. throw flour at ppl, force them to say stupid stuff, smear paint on them, put ice down their shirts, smack them with magazines. and u dont get hit for that yeaaaaaaaa
finally i met with zhi! time passed too fast cos we were having fun. then i went back to hall for ibg. almost passed out from running up and down the court like 2 times or something. hung around and played handball till lights out even though i still had to prepare for thai. and do macro. argh i am the procrastinator. then went for supper cos i was starving to death. i am like the most uncoordinated idiot?? hit the prata dude while he was walking past our table cos i just had to swing my hand arnd while talking. kicked this girl after cos i just had to stretch my leg out when she was walknig past. bad timing or what. went back, hung around and marcus brought sha sha down. she is becoming too much of a cat for me to not freak. but still cute haha. played pingpong, showered, did thai and finally slept at 430.
sorry to get pensive but is this what hall life is? i love the chalet-ish feeling even though it means i dont get much done. i cannot imagine not staying in hall even though i dont know if by staying i am doing what's good for me. u see, i stay pretty near school so i dont NEED to stay..rooms are expensive so i am spending cash (my own, cos mean dad) which i should be saving/donating/investing in something else. i dont head/captain anything, and i am not involved in any commitees/productions (and not that i didnt try) so it isn't like my resume is benefiting. i spend more time hanging out then doing work so i am not helping my CAP either. these are things that make me question whether i am kicking my own ass/ ruining my life unknowingly.
the freedom is great, i get to come back anytime i want. stay out late when there's class the nx morning and not get locked out/ have ppl pissed at you. i get to wake at 940 when there's class at 10. but it's the people that make me happy i think . late night suppers. playing different sports together is one of the things i like most. something's always happening. having friends holler for u to go down and play. i like playing at the mpc. so many people are playing so many sports at the same time, u can just go extra in another game when u get bored with yours, and the funniest accidents happen. coming back after class and there's jac/den in my room to tell about my day. or even mel/celeste whose door is always open (literally). when i see the lights on when i am walking back from class i feel happy, u can talk/sing loudly and awfully when showering in consecutive cubicles. share notes with those who are in your classes. . share food, share music, share your last teen/ schooling years.
one day i will read this entry and maybe i will shudder at how i spent my uni years but more likely i will smile to myself when i remember cos this is such Fun Times at NUS.
and probably i am not doing the Right Thing for my future. i dont know why i am even stressing out bout this. i never thought about my future. this must be a sign of increasing maturity, the fact that i am thinking past what i can see. but i should live in the present right? and take things as they come? i am thinking, i sure hope i will know what i am supposed to do when something i should do appears right in front of me. cos i wanna make the best of this time. no more missing out/ falling short.
wong out
on monday, me and den fell asleep in the evening while doing our post-class activities (playing stupid online games/ facebooking). we woke shortly before jac got back with the sad news that we didnt make it for dp. i spent the night wallowing in self-pity and self-doubt. but things got better after me jac den and mel walked the long road down to west coast macs for green tea mcflurry! thanks guys, especially jac cos i know i whined u into coming with me haha.. when we got back to hall, weijun and xinjie were in the pantry with the AWESOMEMEST mooncakes. i really hate mooncakes, but this was like milo + rittersport + greentea level awesomeness combined into something disguised as a mooncake! it was however, GD expensive. 48 bux for 8 pieces? guys, we gotta treat weijun to something man...
on tuesday we had block initiation! funnest stuff ever for a psycho torturer like me. maybe i was a jap soldier in my last life too huh? set up the most disgusting things for the freshies. the a2 girls (but not me) threw the grossest stuff into the pantry bin and made blindfolded freshies finds spoons.. the a4 guys did the most shit la.. all used to be jap soldiers i bet. nearly-toilet dunking?? toilet oaths?? the ultimate grossness haha. they filled this bin with maggi mee + bread + vinegar + ketchup?? they brought me in for a preview, and i propmptly retched. and this was when everything else was still clean.. poor freshies, really.
we didnt have initiation last yr, i am kinda relieved a little, but i also kinda wish we had it. u know, cos the lame-sounding bonding thing is actually true. but as a senior it was shitass fun. throw flour at ppl, force them to say stupid stuff, smear paint on them, put ice down their shirts, smack them with magazines. and u dont get hit for that yeaaaaaaaa
finally i met with zhi! time passed too fast cos we were having fun. then i went back to hall for ibg. almost passed out from running up and down the court like 2 times or something. hung around and played handball till lights out even though i still had to prepare for thai. and do macro. argh i am the procrastinator. then went for supper cos i was starving to death. i am like the most uncoordinated idiot?? hit the prata dude while he was walking past our table cos i just had to swing my hand arnd while talking. kicked this girl after cos i just had to stretch my leg out when she was walknig past. bad timing or what. went back, hung around and marcus brought sha sha down. she is becoming too much of a cat for me to not freak. but still cute haha. played pingpong, showered, did thai and finally slept at 430.
sorry to get pensive but is this what hall life is? i love the chalet-ish feeling even though it means i dont get much done. i cannot imagine not staying in hall even though i dont know if by staying i am doing what's good for me. u see, i stay pretty near school so i dont NEED to stay..rooms are expensive so i am spending cash (my own, cos mean dad) which i should be saving/donating/investing in something else. i dont head/captain anything, and i am not involved in any commitees/productions (and not that i didnt try) so it isn't like my resume is benefiting. i spend more time hanging out then doing work so i am not helping my CAP either. these are things that make me question whether i am kicking my own ass/ ruining my life unknowingly.
the freedom is great, i get to come back anytime i want. stay out late when there's class the nx morning and not get locked out/ have ppl pissed at you. i get to wake at 940 when there's class at 10. but it's the people that make me happy i think . late night suppers. playing different sports together is one of the things i like most. something's always happening. having friends holler for u to go down and play. i like playing at the mpc. so many people are playing so many sports at the same time, u can just go extra in another game when u get bored with yours, and the funniest accidents happen. coming back after class and there's jac/den in my room to tell about my day. or even mel/celeste whose door is always open (literally). when i see the lights on when i am walking back from class i feel happy, u can talk/sing loudly and awfully when showering in consecutive cubicles. share notes with those who are in your classes. . share food, share music, share your last teen/ schooling years.
one day i will read this entry and maybe i will shudder at how i spent my uni years but more likely i will smile to myself when i remember cos this is such Fun Times at NUS.
and probably i am not doing the Right Thing for my future. i dont know why i am even stressing out bout this. i never thought about my future. this must be a sign of increasing maturity, the fact that i am thinking past what i can see. but i should live in the present right? and take things as they come? i am thinking, i sure hope i will know what i am supposed to do when something i should do appears right in front of me. cos i wanna make the best of this time. no more missing out/ falling short.
wong out
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